Gi Funk

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Athletic Body Care

Gi Funk
Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is a contact sport. I’m lying. It’s Intimate. It’s not everyday you find yourself wrapped between another man’s legs. With positions like Closed Guard, Mount, and Rear Naked Choke, you get to know your partners in a close and personal way.

Have a garlic shrimp burrito for lunch and I’ll know. Let you Gi bake in the trunk of your car for three days and I’ll know. Don’t shower since last Thursday’s No-Gi class and I’ll know.

Your nastiness doesn’t just offend your partner’s olfactory sensibilities. It’s bad for your health. The crusty Gi you proudly wash once a week is a breeding ground for bacteria. Your disgusting body is a carrier of all things Ringworm, Staph, and Toe Jam.

It doesn’t take long for word to travel about the stinky guy. When you step on the mat, do your training partners scatter to avoid you like cockroaches running from the light. Being the stinky guy is just plain bad manners. Passing an infection along to a partner is just plain bad. Close down the school for two weeks because you brought in Staph and you may receive a friendly visit from Rorian Gracie.

You’re asking, “Am I Captain Stinky?”- Yes, you are Captain Stinky. No, we do not want to be your second mates.

Here’s some tips to help you not be that guy.

  • Take a shower. Every day. Yes, with water and soap. You can get it wet and it won’t hurt. It may even thank you. Get the shower nice and hot, grab a fresh bar of soap, and jump in. Put shampoo on the mop you call hair and scrub. Soap up your whole body. Rinse. Repeat. I know you have essential oils on your skin and you’re afraid to wash them off. You won’t. Finish your shower off with a scrub down of Power Body Wash and you’re done.
  • Trim your nails. Keep your fingernails and toenails as short as possible. We know you have hella tiger paw but we don’t want to get scratched and end up with an exotic fever, IV bag, and hallucinations for a week.
  • Brush your teeth. If you can’t do this, you shouldn’t train. No exceptions.
  • Put on deodorant. You don’t have a natural musk that attracts the ladies. You have a Brillo pad growing under your armpit and it smells bad.
  • Wash your Gi EVERY TIME YOU TRAIN. As soon as you get home, fill the washing machine with cold water and detergent and throw your Gi in. Don’t make excuses. I only stretched in my Gi. I didn’t roll hard. I don’t sweat that much. If you put the Gi on and stepped on the mat, wash it. Don’t let it simmer in your trunk for three days. Don’t let it chill in the corner until it’s crustier than a loaf of french bread and walks off on its own. Funk is for music not your Gi. Wash it. Hang dry. Good to go.
  • Clean your gear. Wash your knee pads, braces, wraps, and all things supportive (please wash that). Give your gear bag a shot of Lysol spray. Wipe your UFC gloves down with antiseptic wipes.
  • Don’t share towels. Sharing is not caring. It’s a great way to spread harmful germs and bacteria.
  • Be smart. That’s right dummy! If you have a mystery rash, bumps, or “spider” bites, stay off the mat. Get checked by a doctor and make sure you’re clear before you roll. Rolling with infection is selfish and uncool.
  • Protect yourself from the other dirt pirates out there. Get yourself a bottle of Daily
    Defense Lotion
    , rub it on every part of your body that is legally exposed and you’re good to go.

Not too hard now is it? Hard is being the stinky guy no one wants to train with. Don’t be that guy.
Get clean now with the Athletic Body Care Prevention Kit

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